And here we go again.
I haven't been on my anti-psychotics for almost a month now thanks to all sorts of fuckedupness from my insurance and my doctor. It's too long and complicated a story to tell, but at least y'all know I didn't stop them myself.
Now I have to go see a new doctor, hope they give me this pill which has worked like NO OTHER PILL BEFORE and Courtney can get back to feeling "normal" again.
Let me give you a rundown of what goes on inside my head. As soon as I wake up, it's like a radio station up here. Music, conversations, images, movie quotes, voices, different personalities...They're all there vying for attention and it's so hard for me to grab on to anything solid, so I walk around making no sense whatsoever when I'm talking to someone because there are too many people in my head.
I hear things, I don't trust what I see, and my OCD and paranoia has moved to gods-like levels.
I wish this was hyperactivity and I could take what every other person on the planet takes. But it's not. And it's so easy for people to assume I'm ADHD when in fact, I'm not. Yes, I've got some of it sprinkled throughout, but that's not my main issue. One day I'll share with all of you what it is I have. I just don't like being labeled, and that's all y'all would see me as.
My poor friends, they've been able to handle me so far, with my random texting, bizarre conversations, and stoned out episodes. There are times Courtney needs it to be quiet in her head, and trust me, I will do whatever it takes to get that peace, however short it may be.
I've got an appointment with a new doctor next Monday, and I hope I sounded desperate (crazy) enough for them to want to help me, instead of give me the run around.
I feel like my last doctor played me, and don't troll a troll. Your time will come, brain man.
