In the Land of the Sleep Deprived, She with the Best Drugs is Queen

For those in the know, I don't sleep well.  Or get good "sleep hygiene" as I'm told.  ;)

Let me break it down in hours.  In a week, I'm likely living on about 12 hours.  So that's about three hours a night, and no, that's not uninterrupted sleep.  That's waking up every damned hour.  That doesn't mean I don't get in bed at a normal time (usually between 10:30-11pm), and my alarm goes off at 3:55 am.  Gone are the days where I stay up on the internet, watch tv, talk/text with people.  I feel that if I lay in bed long enough, eventually I'll fall asleep.  Hah!!!!

I use my bed for sleeping/sex only, which is what you're told to do.  I don't have any electronics in there, and I've even got some type of spray I can put on my pillow that is supposed to induce drowsiness. 

None of that shit works. 

I've tried all the sleeping pills, and while they worked for about a week, eventually my body built up a tolerance to them and quit on me.  Bastards.  How I build tolerance to those drugs, but other drugs I don't is just one of those weird things that my body does.  So I don't bother with prescriptions anymore because it's a waste of time.  I did a sleep study and it just showed I had mild sleep apnea.  DUH!  I want to know why I can't fall asleep.  My brain is on overdrive.  I'm not ADHD, I'm just extremely sensitive to sounds and activity going on around me.  Does that make any sense?

I was having a chat with my therapist and we started wondering what kind of person I would be if I got just six hours of sleep a night.  Six hours of good, hard, uninterrupted sleep.  Would I think differently, talk differently?  Would I be able to focus more and finally do things I've always wanted to do?  Like finish one of the EIGHT books I'm writing? 

Some people keep trying to label me as ADHD, Bipolar, Manic, or just plain nuts.  The one thing I know I am for sure is that I'm a chronic insomnia.  That's the only label that can be put on me.  And that affects everything else in your body, so no wonder I feel like a complete loon half the time.  Ok, most of the time.  Alright...every damned minute.

I've been tired since I was 11 years old, which is about when my chronic insomnia began.  My family and friends have no clue how I function, and to be honest, I don't either.  I guess I've just adapted, which isn't good.  I'm 32 and I'm effing exhausted.  I still go out, I still party, I never let my insomnia interfere with work, though my work allows me to catch little cat naps when I'm not on air.  If I had a typical job, I think I'd have serious problems maintaining.

I've decided on a course of action to be taken, and I'm hoping to the gods that it works.  Because if it doesn't, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.  Because if trained professionals can't help me, who the hell else can? 

In the meantime, sleep well and dream of hot men.  Ooh!  That's one thing I say about my sleep.  When I'm under, I have the best dreams. 

Because I've Always Wanted to be Interviewed by James Lipton

You know you've thought about them too.

1.  What is your favorite word?

            Serenity  (since right now all I wanna do is get some rest, so Serenity Now, please.)

2.  What is your least favorite word?

            Kumquat

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
            A wicked sense of humor

4.  What turns you off?
            Hypocrisy

5.  What is your favorite curse word?
            Fuckmunch, bitchtroll

6.  What sound or noise do you love?
            Thunder in the distance

7.  What sound or noise do you hate?
            My alarm clock

8.  What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
            Concert violinist

9.  What profession other than your own would you not like to attempt?
            Math tutor

10.  If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
            Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon to your left, the largest library in the universe to your right, and I hear the chef has outdone himself with the buffet.

Where There's Not a Will, There Might Still be a Way

I've hit a wall when it comes to maintaining my new "healthy" outlook on life, which means eating better and trying not to drink the liquor so damned much.  I had done really good for nearly three months now, especially when it came to the food.  I've accepted the fact that I'm a binge drinker on the weekends when I party, and that's just how it is and damn anyone who has a problem with it.  I control my shit, unlike Fabios, and love to have a good time.  But I always made up for it with my food choices. 

I guess I'm just tired of the same crap every day.  There's really no diversity whatsoever, and as someone who loves change, actively seeks it, this is not acceptable anymore.  And the other problem is I'm not much of a cook.  I make a killer risotto, and buffalo chicken sandwiches, but a woman can not live on carbohydrates alone.  So Spike Spiegal said.  I love to buy cookbooks and read them, but when I think about attempting a recipe I just get overwhelmed by all the stuff needed and say Screw It!  I'll just fix a sandwich with Cheetos. 

My new goal is to actually cook some of the things from all the damned recipe books I've acquired, a lot of which are for healthy eating.  Just need to stay focused, which as someone with ADD is a bit of a problem. But I did so awesome the first three months, and dropped 22 pounds, and really do have a new outlook on eating.  It's the invisible wall that everyone comes up against, no matter what they're trying to conquer. 

Also, that's one of the few times you'll see me in a dress.  I never look cute when it comes to dressing up, but I managed to pull it off this time.  A sign of things to come?  Meh.  ;)

Partying like a rock star and putting up with douchebags

My friend Sarah came to Dallas to celebrate her 31st birthday, and it was a blast.  Picked her tipsy ass up from DFW, almost got lost in the Jetson City that is our airport even though I've been there numerous times, and then went out to Lower Greenville for one helluva time with her and our mutual friend Jeanna.  She wanted Tex Mex, so we took her to Ojeda's, and damn it was delicious.  I had the chicken and mushroom quesadillas, which I have to pronounce like Napolean Dynamite's grandmother, some shots of Patron, and then it was time to get our funky on.  We had so much fun, although I didn't have my inhaler with me and at one point during the night...okay at 4:30 in the morning...I was driving back to Ferris from Garland to get it, then back to Garland.  Yes, it's all in my head, but once I realize I don't have it, I can't breathe all the sudden.
Saturday was a chill day for the party girl.  Pedicures and wine at the nail salon, looking at boots that half off was $129, and eating sushi from a little general store out in the country that was so yummy.  Oh, and this:

Yep, that's right.  A free genital horse for the kids.  Can't make this shit up.

So, lets talk about how stupid men are.  It is my favorite topic.  Do not hit it off with me, get my number, then turn around and text me 30 minutes later saying how you "were feeling my friend and to give her your number."  Really?  For the love of Zeus...

I don't think guys realize how that makes us feel when they do that.  Like he was just getting to know me because he knew he stood no chance with her, but maybe if I give her your number, it will be like yeah, okay, he's cool.  Wrong.  You come off as an even bigger asshole when you do that.  And then when I tell you she's not interested, the next day, don't be all chummy with me because I won't tolerate that shit.  Bastards.

So, who watched "True Blood"?  Holy Alcide's hot naked ass Batman!  Can't believe we've got to wait until next summer for the new season.  Conspiracy.  At least I've got "Sons of Anarchy" to ease my pain.  Oh, Jax. 

And that was my weekend.  Oh, and then another friend came over and we watched the Falcons/Bears game, drank too much beer (that exploded on my wall) and I hopped off the diet bandwagon.  Naughty Courtney.  Back to reality today.  Dammit.