In the Land of the Sleep Deprived, She with the Best Drugs is Queen

For those in the know, I don't sleep well.  Or get good "sleep hygiene" as I'm told.  ;)

Let me break it down in hours.  In a week, I'm likely living on about 12 hours.  So that's about three hours a night, and no, that's not uninterrupted sleep.  That's waking up every damned hour.  That doesn't mean I don't get in bed at a normal time (usually between 10:30-11pm), and my alarm goes off at 3:55 am.  Gone are the days where I stay up on the internet, watch tv, talk/text with people.  I feel that if I lay in bed long enough, eventually I'll fall asleep.  Hah!!!!

I use my bed for sleeping/sex only, which is what you're told to do.  I don't have any electronics in there, and I've even got some type of spray I can put on my pillow that is supposed to induce drowsiness. 

None of that shit works. 

I've tried all the sleeping pills, and while they worked for about a week, eventually my body built up a tolerance to them and quit on me.  Bastards.  How I build tolerance to those drugs, but other drugs I don't is just one of those weird things that my body does.  So I don't bother with prescriptions anymore because it's a waste of time.  I did a sleep study and it just showed I had mild sleep apnea.  DUH!  I want to know why I can't fall asleep.  My brain is on overdrive.  I'm not ADHD, I'm just extremely sensitive to sounds and activity going on around me.  Does that make any sense?

I was having a chat with my therapist and we started wondering what kind of person I would be if I got just six hours of sleep a night.  Six hours of good, hard, uninterrupted sleep.  Would I think differently, talk differently?  Would I be able to focus more and finally do things I've always wanted to do?  Like finish one of the EIGHT books I'm writing? 

Some people keep trying to label me as ADHD, Bipolar, Manic, or just plain nuts.  The one thing I know I am for sure is that I'm a chronic insomnia.  That's the only label that can be put on me.  And that affects everything else in your body, so no wonder I feel like a complete loon half the time.  Ok, most of the time.  Alright...every damned minute.

I've been tired since I was 11 years old, which is about when my chronic insomnia began.  My family and friends have no clue how I function, and to be honest, I don't either.  I guess I've just adapted, which isn't good.  I'm 32 and I'm effing exhausted.  I still go out, I still party, I never let my insomnia interfere with work, though my work allows me to catch little cat naps when I'm not on air.  If I had a typical job, I think I'd have serious problems maintaining.

I've decided on a course of action to be taken, and I'm hoping to the gods that it works.  Because if it doesn't, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.  Because if trained professionals can't help me, who the hell else can? 

In the meantime, sleep well and dream of hot men.  Ooh!  That's one thing I say about my sleep.  When I'm under, I have the best dreams.