Deeeeep Hurting

To conquer others is to have power.  To conquer yourself is to know the way ~~ Lao Ma

Sure, Lao Ma is a fictional character from Xena, but she speaks the truth. 

Everyday I want to do something different with my life, but I'm too afraid or paranoid that it won't work out for me.  Can't stand up and tell that dude he's an asshole and wish he would have never entered your life?  Me neither.  Make all these plans in your head to do when you get home from work, and instead sit around watching TV or playing videogames?  Been there, still do it.

I'm not a huge believer in resolutions because I think it's just a way for people to fail and convince themselves they'll just wait until next year, but that's just the cynic in me.  There's nothing wrong with making goals to better yourself, so instead of resolutions, I'm calling them attempts.  Here's a few of mine:

1.  Attempt to not let vinegar sacs control my life.  If he's not there 100%, he ain't ever gonna be there 100%. 

2.  Attempt to get outside more.  Even if it's just wandering around my small town.

3.  Attempt to spend more time in the kitchen.  I've got to get out of the habit of microwave or takeout just because I'm not cooking for more than one person.  I love to read cookbooks, and I've got a whole slew of them. Time to do some experimenting on my own.

4.  And finally, stop being so damned hard on myself.  I'm a jacked up individual.  That's just how it is.  I can accept my flaws and carry on with my life or I can continue to belittle and degrade myself over every stupid thing.

So there ya have it.  My attempts for the new year.  It's time to go back to being who I once was...a carefree person who just went with the flow.  Amazing how certain people and events in your life can make your personality change. 

Bastards.  ;)