I can't figure out what to hate more: My ass or the jeans that try to mold themselves to them. It's not like I have a ginormous booty, but there's some junk in the trunk that can bring the boys to the yard when need be. But I also have extremely skinny legs. Like the gods wanted to torment me even further by giving me these damned chicken legs to hold up curves that no petite mortal should suffer with. I'm a curvy girl, and that's not a nice way of saying I'm fat. Nope, I've got Scarlett Johansen melons up front and J-Lo in the back.
Courtney, you say!! Most women would kill for that. Hah!!! Perhaps if I was 5'8 then yes, I'd look ok. But on my 5'2 frame it just looks like the fates threw me together at random.
Back to my chicken legs, though. I have to buy jeans a tad bigger so they pull up over my ass, but they bulk out once you hit the tops of my thighs. And then when summer time comes along, everyone's like Wow! You've got great gams, but who knew under the jeans you wear. Hmpf. I could get them tailored, but that's just extra money to spend. Maybe it's time for another closet raid. Like panty raids, but jeans instead of thongs. And don't even get me started on dresses.
Now it's time for me to bitch about Zelda. Not the medium for "Poltergeist" either, but one of my favorite videogame franchises EVER. I consider myself a fairly clever gal, but these new games are meant for martians visiting from outer space to prove how vastly superior they are from us by defeating them in three hours and seventeen seconds.
I don't think it's fun to constantly have to look up how to get through a certain part of a game because I'm supposed to magically know that I need to find the golden bugs to take to a chick named Agitha who's waiting on them to throw a party just so I can get a bigger wallet and help out a stranded Goron who is waiting for a bridge to be built so I can get the magic armor that will allow me to become Invincible. WTF??!! I'm playing "Twilight Princess" right now, and for the love of Zeus, I'm stumped at almost every turn. I remember when games first came out and we didn't have anything to help us cheat. The games were designed to be hard enough to give us a challenge, but simple enough to figure out on our own. I refuse to give up though.
I cleaned my house the other day and now I feel like I deserve some kind of reward. I clean maybe once a month, and trust me, my version of cleaning is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay different from yours. Cleaning means getting rid of the clutter and throwing away all the empty coke cans and water bottles lying around. I'm not talking about dusting and mopping and bleaching and making everying sparkle like a rainbow. I was like "I have cleaned, so now I can reward myself with beer." Like I need a reason to have a couple of Dos Equis...because that's the beer I prefer when I drink.
As always, give love to the cheshire cat and when in doubt ask yourself...What would Xena do?
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